


My Prison Wife

by WarriorNun



Series: My Prison Waifu [1]
Category: Deadpool (2016), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, ナンバカ | Nanbaka
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Cameos, F/M, Gratuitous Cameo of Stan Lee, How are they funding that type of prison?!, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marvel Cameos, Marvel References, Mentions of Nanbaka characters, Minor Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Nanbaka references, Nick Fury is a badass prison guard, Nick Fury is tired of all this BS, Pining, Prison Gangs, Prison Sex, Prison Waifu, Sparkles, Swearing, Wade Being Wade, failed attempt to write parkour, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-09-16 16:48:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9280517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorNun/pseuds/WarriorNun
Summary: I cannot reveal the exact or general location of the prison since it was classified information.But what I can tell you are the minimum details that I’m willing to share, so I’ll keep this brief.This is the Raft, probably the largest prison in the world and located somewhere upon the waters of the Pacific Ocean. A manmade island that is practically a fortress with enveloping walls, state of the art security system, and the best selected men and women from around the world. Alcatraz is practically an amusement park compared to it.No prisoner alive was able to escape.And no one will ever will…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first installment for 2017.
> 
> I blame Nanbaka for this. 
> 
> This will feature most of the MARVEL characters that you all know and love (and some that you hate) in a Prison setting. As you will.
> 
> But in a Nanbaka-esque prison. 
> 
> Prepare for some insanity, angst, and some steamy hot prison sex!
> 
> ...God this sounds like a prison exploitation film...

I cannot reveal the exact or general location of the prison since it was classified information.

But what I can tell you are the minimum details that I’m willing to share, so I’ll keep this brief.

This is the Raft, probably the largest prison in the world and located somewhere upon the waters of the Pacific Ocean. A manmade island that is practically a fortress with enveloping walls, state of the art security system, and the best selected men and women from around the world. Alcatraz is practically an amusement park compared to it. 

No prisoner alive was able to escape. 

And no one will ever will…

_**BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNGG!!!!!** _

“Supervisor Fury! We have a break out! Two escaped prisoners at large!”

MOTHER FUCKER!

-

**“We have a break out! Two escaped convicts from Cell Block 9! Security level Alpha Lockdown initiated! This is not a drill! I repeat! This is not a drill!”**

The sound of the alarms rang loudly throughout the air, sirens were blaring out as soon as the lights flashed open, searching for the escaped convicts that even dared to try and escape the confines of the Raft. All the while inside, every man and woman were taking up arms as they secure every door in the building. Coulson shook his head as he scanned the monitors while typing furiously away at the keyboard. He could hear the door opening behind him but he didn’t need to turn around to know who it is. 

“Status report,” Came the gruff sound of his superior, Supervising Officer of Cell Block 9, Nick Fury. 

“Just the usual, Sir.” Coulson confirmed, not looking away from the monitors. “Just Number 98 chasing after Number 8.” Then there was a pause. “Again.” 

Fury let out a frustrated groan as he glanced at one of the monitors where lo and behold two said prisoners running down one of many corridors of the facility. Well, more like, the younger man of the two was running to get ahead of the heavily scarred man that is chasing after him. As soon as he see the two pass the camera of the very monitor that Fury was staring at, one of them- the scarred man- doubled back and go as far as wink, along with sticking out his tongue and flipping him the bird. 

He felt his remaining eye twitch with irritation as he felt the urge to punch something was quickly rising. Fury then took a deep breath and exhaled, calming himself before turning to his Good Eye. 

“Are all the security systems online?” 

“Up and running, sir, ready when you are.” Coulson spoke as he typed down the codes that he had meticulously memorized before hand. “Though to be honest, I doubt those would do anything to them.” 

“Couldn’t help but try…” Fury muttered, staring at another monitor that showcased the younger man kicked off a wall before leaping over an abandoned laundry cart that was forgotten by the laundry staff. 

-

Peter was NOT having a good time. 

Granted that he was imprisoned for participating in an underground fighting ring owned by Wilson Fisk - also known as the Kingpin, the most feared crime lord of the New York underworld. All for just getting some easy money in order to make sure that Aunt May was well stocked on her medication and that their house was still standing strong. It was never easy since Uncle Ben died…

Add in the fact that he’s seventeen-just a year away to be eighteen and in college- yet the so-called justice system screwed him over and sent him here to the Raft, a prison island that was not only located nowhere on the map but gave his aunt no chance to visit him to see if he was alright. 

Aside from the visitation from his lawyer that is. 

God bless whatever reason why Matt wanted him as his client…

Though…to be fair. The Raft wasn’t as bad when he first got here. 

It was high class compared to juvie, no to mention really…really…sparkly. 

Like Pretty Princess Pony Palace sparkly. Or a what would happen if Disneyland and Las Vegas merged and have a baby. Aside from the high walls that seemed impossible to scale, it was so bright and colorful, that Peter had to shield his eyes when he looked out of the helicopter window. 

The exterior wasn’t the only thing that he noticed that was different from the juvenile halls or prison in general. 

For one, they have state of the art security system and tech that vaguely reminded him of Stark tech. Although that is only a small detail compared to everything else. While they have the classic thick concrete walls with cracks that wouldn’t do anything to them, along with an occasional spray painted graffiti, Peter noticed that this place was really…nice for a better lack of word. 

No, pleasant is more like it.

From the thumb-printing to the mugshots, he was surprised on how civil the prison staff are, one of them even ask if he would like to have something to drink afterwards (he declined, politely mind you…Aunt May raised no fool). But he had to be on his toes in any case one of them decided to “discipline” him for whatever reason or no reason at all. The prison uniforms are kind of comfy, for…you know, prison uniforms. Instead of uncomfortable scratchy sensation, they not only felt comfortable but also felt like something out of a high class clothing design line. There was even an option of wearing casual clothing above all things. He was brought to his cell which was sent in Building Number 9, and it was nothing that he expected at all. 

Gone were his expectations of a rickety bunk bed, a possible roommate that would either kill him in his sleep or rape him, or even a disgusting toilet. What he see as soon as he was lead through the cell door was something that can be found in a five-star hotel, complete with a very clean carpeted floor. The twin-size bed was not only the most comfortable looking but looked brand new. It even have a welcoming chocolate on the pillow! A goddamn. Welcoming chocolate. On. The pillow! 

But that was not all…there was an actual flat screen tv with high depth cable, a working fridge, and a homey desk with a complimentary laptop. Which also included the wi-fi password, “ExCelsior!” Plus the toilet was actually clean with actual toilet paper roll holder. 

His only response as soon as the guard closed the door behind him, after listing off the schedule on his first night, was this:

“…What the fuck.”

It didn’t stop there…

He found out that the food wasn’t what he seemed either. 

Gone were his expectations of mysterious slop that was meant to be passed off as food. Instead, they were served food that is enough to make food critics have an actual food orgasm. And it came in a variety of international styles, though Japanese seemed to be common, so it gave him the idea that they’re somehow around near Asia. But considering the different ethnicities the prisoners have, it could be anyone’s guess where they are. 

He took note that it was a co-ed prison, since there were women around. However, he was surprised that despite the environment, everyone seemed…civil. Like being in a regular lunch space instead of being incarcerated for whatever reason that they were landed here. Although, like any other prison…there had to be prison gangs. 

And each and everyone of them sounded like something out of a comic book.

He was approached by one of them and offered their protection on his first day here. 

Less said about his encounter with them the better.

But all in all, it’s…not so bad. 

Good meals, surprisingly great heating and air conditioning system, an actual gym, and the largest bath that resembled a Japanese hot spring…this place is ok.

…MOSTLY ok.

Such as this moment. 

“Goddammit, GIVE UP ALREADY!” Peter snapped as he leapt over one obstacle to the next. 

“NOT UNTIL YOU ACCEPT IT!” Shouted back the very prisoner that he really wanted to be 150 feet away from. 

An audible yet frustrated growl escaped from his throat as he sped up down the hall, no doubt that his pursuer was not far behind. Figures that he had some sort of military training before being placed in this slammer out of nowhere, that guy has some serious stamina. Peter would have gone a bit further when he itch at the back of his head was screaming at him to stop, making him skid just in time as soon as a wall suddenly closed in front of him. He clicked his tongue before immediately make a leap to sprint down another opening to the passage. A satisfied smirk grew on his lips as soon as his ears picked up the audible sound of something smacking against the wall and an “owie!”

“Sector 16 locked down is a success!” Coulson reported. Then he paused for a bit as he watched the scarred man peeled himself off of the newly formed wall and rubbed his face for a bit before resuming the chase. “Though, I’m kinda worried for Number 98.” 

“He’s fine.” Fury spoke up bluntly, training his eye on their movements. “98 is one tough sonufabitch, it would take more than just a face plant to rearrange his face. Besides, I highly doubt that he’s killable at the rate they’re going.”

“…I’ve been meaning to ask, sir. But are these traps are meant to help Prisoner 8 in a way? Cause you know, Prisoner 98 has been hounding him since day one?”

The only response he got was a heavy sigh. 

—

It would seem that they have really upgraded the traps the last time they had an outing. And needless to say that while they are creative…they have done little to slow down his pursuer. 

Prisoner Number 98.

Former Merc with the Mouth. 

Also known as Wade Wilson. 

And at the moment, constant stalker of Peter Parker. 

Honestly, he had hoped that with these upgrades, at least ONE of them hinder him for a good solid moment. But NOOOOOO. No matter what they throw at them, whether it was laser dodging (he had to find some way to get that _Mission Impossible_ theme song out of his head once this is over), puzzle pillars, even an amateur reenactment of _Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Arc_ …Wade somehow managed to conquer them all. 

And Peter was getting tired. 

“You can’t run forever! We are meant for each other!”

He gotta shake him off, and fast. But how is the better question. As he dodged some swinging pendulums, an idea popped into his head.

“…Light bulb~.” Peter grinned at this. This is soooo going to work. 

He made a quick step before leaping off one wall and through a doorway, made a tumble and leapt back onto his feet with a “nailed it”. 

Peter made a quick look over his shoulder, satisfied that Wade was still kicking and still on pursuit of him. 

Good. 

“Surprised that you’re still going!” He called back. “Still have the stamina to keep up?”

The way that Wade smiled was akin to a Cheshire Cat-the American McGee’s version, to be precise. 

“Oh, Baby Boy, just wait till we hit the Honey Moon Suite!” And with that, he actually sped up a bit.

Peter gave him a teasing smirk before gaining a bit of speed as well, fully ignoring the aching pain in his legs as they were practically protesting him to stop. 

“Well, better come and get me then!” He taunted.

“Oh, I love it when you talk like that!” 

—

“Where the Hell is he leading him?” Fury spoke out loud, narrowing his only eye. 

“Hold on a second…” Coulson muttered, typing a bit as he followed the prisoners’ movements upon the monitors, switching from one screen to the next. “I think he’s….leading him to the gym?” An eyebrow was raised as he looked over to his supervisor. “Why do you think he was doing that?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Coulson?” Fury replied before looking up to see Peter ran into the room leading to the gym just in time. 

“He’s leading 98 into a trap.”

—

Peter skidded to a stop as soon as he entered into the gym room. 

Even if it was known as a “room”, it was as big as a dance studio. There are certain sections from cardio, weights, even slightly cushioned yoga mats for those who want to do some yoga. There are even multi-purpose room classes that include all manner of physical workout, such as zumba, biking, yoga, and whatnot. Even taught by either prison staff that have a teaching permit. There was even a pool section! 

He looked around, breathing heavily while feeling the adrenaline rush from the chase and the throbbing of his legs. Peter was satisfied at the fact that the place was empty at this hour, and have no further openings (save for the ventilation opening high up in the ceiling). Good, just the way he wanted. With a deep intake of breath, he exhaled slowly and turned around, just in time to see Wade standing at the entrance. 

With a shit-eating grin that was borderline maniac, again, akin to the American McGee’s take on the Cheshire Cat. If the said cat was heavily scarred. Despite the fact that he was breathing rather heavily, but other than that, managed to keep his balance. With his fully-scarred body, and the top half off his prison uniform tied around his waist to show off his muscular physique, he alone was enough to give anyone nightmares. But to Peter, he was just a constant pain in his ass. 

“Finally!” He spoke with satisfaction before striding over to Peter in a slow yet predatory manner. “Took long enough but at least there is something that would drive you to the corner.”

Peter stood his ground and kept his expression blank, willing himself not to punch Wade square in the jaw or kick him in the family jewels when the other prisoner came closer to him. Even when he was in close proximity and snaked his arms around his waist, God he really wanted to headbutt him hard when he gave him that stupid smile. 

“Though I have to admit, chasing you around like that was really fun and all. But…sometimes I always find that the reward is sweeter.” Then he grinned wider. “That and I really wanna fuck you against the mat right now. And on the walls. And against the equipment.”

Peter blinked, keeping his cool before allowing his lips curl into a seductive smirk. 

“Oh really? You sure you wanna do it in a place like this?” He made sure to make his voice low and coy. For emphasis, he slinked his leg between Wade’s and pushed it a bit upward to rub his knee against the crotch area. His ears were rewarded with a strained groan as he felt Wade tightened his hold around him. 

“God, you have no idea how many places where I wanna take you…” He whispered harshly, bringing them a bit closer together until their breaths mingled. 

Peter lowered his eyelids as he gazed into Wade’s, a bit marveling at the fact that he has striking blue eyes with a bit of brown in them. 

“Well…better think some more then…”

**CRASH**

**BZZZZZZZTTT**

“Shit! We lost a camera!” Coulson cursed as he typed furiously upon the keyboard to hopefully pull up an image. “Still nothing…we better get a small team.” Then he pulled up his radio. “This is Coulson to Deputy Supervisor Hill. What’s your twenty?”

There was a slight crackle on the other side before a response was heard. “I’m at sector 9, what is the location of the prisoners?” It was a woman’s voice, her tone held a strong and attentive presence even though they’re not in the same room.

“Last time we had visual, they were in the gym. There was damage to the cameras inside but we’re not able to boot up the backup. Can you get there?”

“I’m on my way, I’ll have squad Alpha with me.”

Coulson nodded. “Acknowledged.” Then he looked up to his supervisor. “What now, Sir?” 

Fury readjusted his uniform cap upon his bald head before turning heel and head out the door. 

“Keep monitoring,” He ordered. “Make sure that you got your eyes everywhere. I’ll be out in case the situation gets shittier than it needs to.”

-

“Alright, we’re nearing the location,” Maria Hill informed her team as soon as they turned the corner. “Remember, only use taser batons as a last resort. Make sure that you’re fully stocked with tranquilizer bullets.”

“Yes, Ma’am!” The team chorused, each and every one of them made sure that they are locked and loaded before proceeding. They all halted as soon as they saw their leader held her hand up, a military signal for halting. Each member gripped their modified gun hard, there was even one that actually swallowed while sweating cold bullets. These two prisoners won’t be like the others, they have heard the stories. 

Mostly on Prisoner 98. 

They say that he had been transferred from prison to prison, since he had a record of being a ruthless mercenary with an unquenchable bloodlust and knowing how to kill a man painfully more than 1001 different ways. From all around the United States to even around the world, there was no prison standing that could keep him for long. There are even rumors saying that he was practically “death-proof”, immortal even. But that’s all they were…rumors. Most of them don’t want to risk to see if they are true or not. Besides…it was proven that on the first day, it only took about 4 tranquilizer bullets to take him down as opposed to only one. 

The moment was like an eternity for them, each and every one of them could feel their heartbeat go on a rapid speed. That is until Maria finally gave them the signal.

“…NOW!”

With their guns locked and loaded, they all follow their leader into the gym, fully prepared to tranquilize the prisoner, even if they have to deal with his antics along with military training. For Number 8, well, from what they can tell, he was more manageable. As soon as they ran into the gym, what they saw was…not they expect. 

For better lack of words.

Before them was Prisoner 98…who somehow got himself entangled up in some workout equipment, and the room was in shambles. That and he looked like he needed some medical attention, mostly because of how he looked despite being injured. 

If anything, he looked rather happy. 

“He’s so cute when he’s angry…” He managed to croak out. 

While the rest were staring at him in a dumbfounded manner, honestly didn’t know what to think of it, but Maria just sighed as she pulled out her radio.

“It’s Hill. We found Prisoner Number 98.” She spoke into a deadpan tone. 

“What of Prisoner Number 8?” Came Coulson’s voice.

“He’s not present at the moment. Probably escaped before we got here. We will be sending Prisoner 98 to the med bay asap.”

At least they got one of them…Lord knows where Prisoner Number 8 was now.

-

Peter let out a sigh of relief as he walked down one corridor of who knows how many hallways this damn building have. That was actually the most exhausting workout that he had to deal with. If you call complex parkour chase through trap-filled hallways and a thorough thrashing in the gym a workout. Everyday was considered eventful despite the fact that they’re on parole.  
“There has to be a day where he had to give up and find himself another bitch…” He spoke to himself out loud. 

“If only that were the case for him.”

Peter stopped his tracks and looked up to see standing before him was a familiar tall man of African-American descent, glaring at him with a single eye as the damaged eye bear scars were peeking out from underneath the eyepatch. His standard uniform made him more intimidating even without that trench coat that he tend to see him wearing from time to time. Normally a prisoner would piss their pants and immediately begged for forgiveness every time they made an attempt to escape. 

But not Peter…oh, no.

“…Sup.” 

Fury took a moment to glare at him (though he figured that it was just his default look) before letting out a heavy sigh, scratching his forehead a bit. 

“He somehow got into your cell and gave you the chase, huh?” It was more of a rhetorical question than an actual one. 

Peter only shrugged. 

“Given on how many times you have changed the lock on my cell door, he somehow managed to get in.” Then he gave a thoughtful look. “I think he’s been getting some lessons from that one guy at Building 13…”

Another sigh was heard as Fury motioned him over. 

“Come on, it’s time to get back to your cell.” It wasn’t in a commanding tone, instead it was rather casual but yet left no room for any argument. He had been at this game long enough to know that the said prisoner would most likely comply, regardless of his situation.

Peter smiled as he walked up to the older man’s side. 

“Sure thing, Nicky. I was on my way there myself.”

“And don’t call me Nicky.” 

Yup, just another day at the Raft.


	2. A Typical Tuesday with a Side of Batman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank my best friend and penpal, Calligraphy, for helping me out with this chapter! It could have been in Limbo if it weren't for you

No words were exchanged between them as they made their way to Peter’s cell. Not that it was needed, Peter pretty much learned that Nick was not much of a talker unless it was something that is really important. That he can respect about his guard, even if he is a one-eyed hardass whose secrets even have secrets. As soon as they reached his cell, he leisurely waited while Nick unlocked the door for him. 

“There you go, Number 8.” He spoke, keeping the authoritative tone. “We’ll be making sure that this won’t happen. Again.”

Peter let out a soft sigh before giving him a heartfelt pat upon his shoulder. 

“Just try to keep it easy there, Nick.” He told him as soon as he entered his cell. Peter immediately made a beeline for his bed while the cell door was closed behind him with a creaking thud that he had grown accustomed too. With a sigh, he flopped down upon the soft mattress, cradling the back of his head with his hands as Peter stared up at the ceiling. 

Somehow he can’t hold his breath if the latest security system was actually going to hold against Wade. No matter what, be it voice recognition, finger print identification, somehow Wade could get through his cell door and break in. Which lead to Peter quickly escape which lead to an insane chase around the cell block. 

Wash, rinse, repeat. 

It somehow became regular since they first met now that he thought about it. 

“Well, at least I sent him to the med bay for the time being…” Peter muttered to himself before relaxing. “I’m so tired…”

-

Let’s rewind back a bit…

“Well…better think some more then…” 

Wade felt pleasurable chills going up and down his spine when he heard Peter’s voice doing that coy, sweet purring thing. Even more so when he leaned up to kiss him ( _FINALLY_ ). Well, more like licking his lips before nipping at the bottom half of his lip but it still a turn on!

He couldn’t help but held Peter on tighter, practically smashing their lips together as sounds of moaning and smacking lips was the only thing heard inside the room. This lead to Peter holding on to him, even going as far as wrapping his free leg around his wait. However, their gravity shifted to downwards upon the floor if it weren’t for the slight cushioning of the yoga mat that was conveniently placed there. A groan of pain was heard causing Wade to break the kiss (reluctantly) and push up to see if Peter was alright. 

However, Peter used that as his advantage to flip over their positions until he was straddling him. That look of half-lidded brown eyes and the sensual way that he was licking his lips was just…FUCK! Hard on…raging with a vengeance!

Peter let out a soft hum when he noticed it. 

“Someone’s eager…” He practically purred, even rubbed their clothed groins together for emphasis. “But you know that this place has cameras like the rest of the place. You sure you wanna do it here?” 

The fact that they’re about to get down and dirty in the gym while the security surveillance is online?

Wade’s normally not into voyeurism, but hey, he’s open to anything!

“I’m sure if you’re sure~”

Oooooooh~ baby…he wanted him right here and now. But first thing’s first…

“How about you suck me off? That way it’s easer for you to ride me.”

A lewd smirk grew on Peter’s face before licking his lips lasciviously. 

“I bet you’re some sort of mindreader. I’ve always wanted to suck you off since you arrive at this dump.”

_Oh, sweet testicle Tuesday…Batman, I officially needed looser pants._

All Wade had to do was lay back, relax…and let the object of his affection (and lust) to pepper down kisses upon his bare chest, slowly (GRAAH!) going southwards before finally getting to his pants. And he waited with anticipation for the sound of the zipper to be heard…

…-ilson…?

Wait, that doesn’t sound like a zipper.

…Wilson…

Hold on, since when did the gym smell like a hospital?

Mr. Wilson?

And did the placemat feel more like a rock?

…

…

…

“WAKE UP, YOU MORON!”

Wade let out a yelp when he felt a fist connecting to his head, forcing him to wake up before letting out a loud groan when he felt pain practically all over his body. Along with mini Wade. He blinked rapidly at the blinding light overhead before his vision readjusted itself. He narrowed at the familiar sight of the slightly cracked ceiling (along with an old piece of bubblegum that he lovingly dubbed “Darrel”) before taking in the sounds of beeping in his ears. 

He took a quick glance at the surroundings, seeing the annoying whatchamacallit that moderates the pulse, medicine cabinets that held supplies, hot sex nurse droid walking in, and also the familiar face of the old fart himself. 

Oh and also the fact that he was all bandaged up and shit. 

And in pain. So much pain.

It hurt…so…much…

“I NEED TO GET OFF!”

“SHADDUP!” The elderly man snapped. Despite the heavy accent, his English was rather good. But then again, one had to be skilled in various languages while being among prisoners of various personalities and settled in God knows where. Though he tends to swear in Japanese from time to time, it was rather hard not to giggle when he gets creative with his insults. 

Dr. Otogi let out an irritated groan as he ran a hand through his ashen hair, at the risk of letting it out of its ponytail form. Which made Wade wonder how long it was and how did he kept it so shiny at his age…oh wait, still have that raging boner. 

“Every time…” He heard him muttered. “Every single time that you decided to try to jump on Prisoner 8, you would end up here. And mostly with a boner.” Then the elderly man glared at him. “And DON’T you dare request for either me or Kaguya to jack you off. You can do that when you’re all healed up. Again.”

The only thing Wade could do was to lay back and pout, trying to will away his erection with something that would turn him off.

"Boy, so much for doctors being all nice to sick patients. You got some real sucky bed side manner." Wade said.

"I ain't one of those placating doctors, punk. I tell it like it is. And the way it is with you is that you're an absolute idiot." Otogi stated.

"Really? I always thought I was a Sagittarius." Wade said.

"Yeah? I always took us for a Capricorn." Sensible Voice Box said.

"No, Sagittarius is way better! We get a huge horse dick!" Crazy Voice Box stated.

"Exactly!" Wade exclaimed aloud, and the elderly doctor shook his head. 

"Patients like him are so not worth a time share in the Bahamas and the retirement benefits this job offers." Otogi muttered, looking back at his notes.

“Doctor, what should we prescribe to him?” The android nurse asked her creator, despite her rather flat expression and monotone computerized voice, there was a bit of sympathy.

“Ahhh…Hello Nurse Fembot Come To Life is worried about me!” Wade cheered. “I wonder if I do the Mike Myers dance, you’re gonna be so turned on, you’ll explode?”

“Do that and I’ll sic my wife on you!” Otogi warned him. “And she’ll make sure that it would look like an accident even with a bazooka!”

Wade pouted as he returned his attention to the ceiling.

“Fiiiiine…” He drawled. After a (thankful) moment of silence, Wade decided to talk again.

“How’s the Mrs. doing?”

“Shut up!”

"I'm starting to get the feeling that the good doctor doesn't want us talking." Sensible Voice Box said.

"I don't get why. Folks love to hear us talk!" Crazy Voice Box exclaimed.

"Well to be fair, a good portion of them either have headphones playing Kesha in their ears or are flat our ignoring us." Sensible Voice Box replied.

"Oh yeah. Well that's a thing..." Crazy Voice Box said, now sounding blue.

"Aw don't worry fellas. We do have one good thing going for us. Seeing that cutie pie Parker again." Wade assured to the voices in his head.

“Ah…AH-CHOO!”

Peter sniffed as he rose up from bed, before reaching for a tissue that he placed by his bedside.

“Damn…this better not be one of those Japanese superstitions that I’ve been hearing about.” He muttered.

Besides, who would be crazy enough to talk about him?

He sighed as he looked at the clock and figured that he should get some shut eye. Just another early morning rising…maybe they might throw in hash browns tomorrow for breakfast. Just still, he had to wonder…

“…What made Wilson be so fixated on me anyway?”

Though he has dropped the generic compliments, calling Peter cute and what not, they didn't have any meaning to him. Lots of people have called him all those corny cutesy names before. And he sure won't be the last one to do so.

Besides, he was just a plain duck compared to all the swans here. Especially that one guard with the blue hair and star barretts he uses for his ponytail. Now he's a real looker. A chicken in a coward suit, but a looker none the less. Why didn't Wade pester him?

"Che. Then again if he even shouts loudly that guard will probably drop from fright." Peter said to himself as he got up out of his bed and leaped onto the hanging lamp, then hung upside down.

He never knew why, but he always liked to hang upside down. It just made him feel happy and relaxed. However it wasn't so relaxing for Aunt May when she would open his closet door to get his dirty clothes hamper and was startled to death when she saw her nephew hanging upside down in the closet from the beam where his clothes hung. She said he was like an albino bat. It didn't help that he had those crazy cat ear headphones and a black blanket to add to it.

“…Now that I think about it, that DOES sound like a great comic book idea.” He said to himself. Maybe he could make him like that Stark guy except the opposite…only flashy when out in public, dark and brooding when he was away from public view….maybe hook him up with a patriotic overgrown boy scout who can fly pass the sound barrier.

“…Nah, that wouldn’t hold up…” Peter muttered as he pondered more about it.

God he wished he had his cat-ear headphones now…maybe he could email Gwen to mail him whenever he got free time tomorrow. Right now, just relax before finishing up his upside down meditation before he falls asleep.

Again.

It wasn’t because of the blood rushed to his head, but somehow it was so relaxing to the point of making him sleep.

....But sleep didn't come, when suddenly the door opened with a particularly loud bam. So loud was the bam that it rattled the ceiling and shook the lamp Peter was hanging from. He had to grip the chain with his toes in order to keep from falling down. When he turned his head up to see who did this he saw Tony Stark and Clint Barton.

"What the hell!?" Peter demanded in shock.

“Holy Hanging Jailbait, Batman!” Clint smirked.

Peter shot the older man a glare before backflipping down to the ground and straightened himself up to face them.

“Shouldn’t you guys be in your cell?” He questioned. “How the Hell did you get pass the locks?! They just upgraded!”

Tony simply held up what looked like a piece of wire and a soda can popper.

“Just a few this and that…” Tony replied rather vaguely. “And also, we got special permission and just wanna check up on you.”

“…You two broke out of your cell or you got Steve to vouch to Coulson to talk to Fury into letting you guys out?”

“And before bedtime, Bubbles.” The goateed man quipped. “But enough with this manly banter, how are you? Are you thinking about getting revenge for your parents that may or may not be secret agents by the government but got gunned down in an alleyway right in front of you?”

Peter just shrugged as he stretched out his limbs for a bit. “Oh you know…Wade busted into my cell, fought him off, got my nightly workout as we run around prison. The usual.”

“Ah…the typical Tuesday.”

Understatement of the year if he had ever heard one...


End file.
